Don’t Press Send! Week 2

Don’t Press Send!

 

Well, week one is in the books, wasn’t that five kinds of exciting? We saw the longest play in NFL history (dude got canned for that one), the greatest quarterback debut (except for that whole ‘loss’ thing), and statically the biggest week of offense ever. It was like the Arena League. Except with, you know, talent. Let’s see what things they said we can laugh at, shall we?

 

Buffalo Is Weird

 

I’ve previously documented Bills’ rookie Aaron Williams’ attempts to blend into his new environment. Apparently, it’s not going well

 

ajwilliams23 Aaron Williams

Why are people starring at me like they’ve never seen a black country boy lol #smh

 

First of all, let us not go over how embarrassingly long to took me to realize that ‘smh’ means ‘shake my head’. Partly because that’s so fucking stupid, partly because it’s misused. Anyway, back to young Mr. Williams. To better make his point, he made a hash tag.

 

ajwilliams23 Aaron Williams

Its so funny to me that people are really surprised I’m a #countryboy

 

That’s funny? You, sir, have a piss poor opinion of comedy. Also, what were you doing to reveal your country roots? Were you being driven around town sitting on recliner in the back of your pick-up truck? Chris Hairston straightened him out

 

C_Hairston75 Chris Hairston

RT @ajwilliams23: Why are people starring at me like they’ve never seen a black country boy lol #smh……u a long way from Texas

 

After this tweet, Aaron Williams consulted a map and realized this is true. He mentioned no more about it, and his hash tag was allowed a dignified funeral. However, that was not the end of southern contempt for these semi-Canadians. Pick a nit, Nick Barnett.

 

NickBarnett NickBarnett

So y’all say car weird out here in Buffalo!!! Lol

 

 

NickBarnett NickBarnett

” I left it in the CAHH”.. Huh in the what? ….”CAH” lmfao

 

I’m having trouble figuring out why I find this hilarious. Maybe because I know so people from Buffalo. I would have picked on them for saying ‘aboot’, but whatever.

 

 

Aww, Poor Guy

 

It seems like just yesterday that Matt Leinart was the ultimate golden boy quarterback. First round pick, oodles of money, banging Paris Hilton just because he could. Well, those days are over. Being a career backup in Houston is far less glamorous. Still, shouldn’t he have one friend at least?

 

MattLeinartQB Matt Leinart

I don’t know about all you but I have absolutely no problem seeing a movie by myself! Anyone else?

 

That’s so sad! Especially the last part, reaching out for fellow lonely losers. Oh well, how was the movie?

 

MattLeinartQB Matt Leinart

Seeing Warrior! Gone a leave the movie wanting to pad up and play football ha

 

And stand around watching for three hours. I’m pumped! Seriously though, can we find this guy a buddy?

 

 

Paging Billy Madison

 

These guys all at least attended college for three years. Some schools don’t bother teaching them tough stuff, but I thought they’d at least cover arts & crafts

 

RodIssac Rod Issac

Twitter I need y’all help anyone knows someone that does collages?? I have a few newspaper articles and pictures I want did into a frame

 

I actually replied to this dumbass

 

@Dionoil

Yeah, my five year old daughter does

 

It’s called a glue stick and a fucking hour. Back to kindergarten with you, buddy.

 

 

Game Time!

 

It wasn’t just random idiocy this week, though, there were also football games to talk about. Let’s review…

 

jharrison9292 James Harrison

That’s what you call getting beat like you stole something!!!!

 

Can’t really expand on that, that sums it up nicely.

 

AntonioBrown84 Antonio Brown

Humble pie !!! Chest up eyes up prayed up!

 

That’s right, the Ravens won because the Steelers weren’t fully prayed up. That’ll learn ‘em.

 

Hood305Star Kareem Brown

Mark Sanchez > Tony Homo I mean Romo ….. #IJS

 

Burn! That was funny, got any more, Kareem?

 

Hood305Star Kareem Brown

When they do the Starting Lineup introductions: Cromartie should introduce ALL 10 of his kids ….. #ShoutOuts #IJS lol

 

I love this guy. One more, please?

 

Hood305Star Kareem Brown

I bet Plaxico Shank at least 3 ppl this game , he still got a #JailMentality

 

Eh, not bad. Moving on…

 

Mr_Henson51 Robert Henson

The same people that said Cam shouldn’t be the first QB/Player taken now they all over his piece

 

EXACTLY! They sure changed their tune quick. I’m pretty sure that Maycock owes him a blowie for the shit he said before the draft.

 

 

Awards

 

Say What Now?

 

It was really tough to pick the funniest tweet of the week, there were a lot of good candidates. In the end, I picked the funniest person. In my own twisted sense of humor, it has to be Brown WR Carlton Mitchell. Let us illustrate…

 

C_Mitch18 Carlton Mitchell

“Now, how’s he gonna read that magazine all rolled up like that?”… thoughts of the spider. 0_0

 

I know it’s stupid, but I love it.

 

C_Mitch18 Carlton Mitchell

If you NOT excited about Football just Stop Tweeting now.. Better yet DM me your Login Information and I’ll delete your account for you..-_-

 

Not funny, I know, but it lead to this…

 

C_Mitch18 Carlton Mitchell

I don’t necessarily agree with everything I say.

 

That’s the best thing ever. But the one that won him the award…

 

C_Mitch18 Carlton Mitchell

Yawning is your body’s way of saying 20% of battery remaining.

 

I laugh every time I read this.

 

Professional Douche Award

 

This week goes to free agent CB Robert McClain, for being the only player not watching football.

 

bobbymac36 Robert McClain

Did anybody know miss universe was on?

 

Really? Does anyone care? Monday Night Football was on at the same time. He kept us posted.

 

bobbymac36 Robert McClain

#Angola won miss universe this year. Congrats

 

Some people say it’s not really ‘Miss Universe’ when you only include Earth. Those people have obviously never seen the chicks from Alpha Centauri. Yeah, it’s fair.

 

Ok, Robert, that’s over, you watching football now?

 

bobbymac36 Robert McClain

Post pone monday night football. #weeds on. Had to catch second showing

 

Dude, seriously? A re-run? No wonder you’re unemployed. You couldn’t make it as a corner for the Panthers. Just give up.

 

Good Guy Award

 

No one really worthy of this this week, but I made it feature, so I’ll go with Charles Johnson. He tried to say good morning to the working man.

 

randywattson charles johnson

SO to everyone who has a 9 to 5. And just got up

 

‘SO’ means ‘shout out’, that one I figured out quite quickly. A nice morning tweet, nothing remarkable. Morons kept sending him their schedules. Pointing out, no doubt, that very few actually work 9 to 5

 

randywattson charles johnson

Lol SO to the people who got a 8 to 3 , 7 to 5 lol all the above. Keep grinding #much love

 

You get the award for putting up with the stupidest people, Chuck. Congrats.

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