Don’t Press Send! Week 3! Now with more gooey eye candy!

Don’t Press Send!

Well, week two is in the books. What did we learn? Well, Cam Newton is for real, Tavaris Jackson still sucks a big floppy one, and Romo might not be as big a wuss as we suspected. Also, Oklahoma announcer and former Bengals safety Roy Williams would like to remind you that he does not nor ever has played for Chicago. He would appreciate future vulgar slurs directed to the proper twitter account. Lastly, at Tommy’s request, the Dolphins have changed their name to the Miami Shogun. Logo coming soon (it’s still a dolphin, just wearing samurai armor).

 

Romo’s Ribs

The players occasionally pass around a meme. Normally, it’s of a personal nature and of no particular interest. The #tonyromoribs meme was a rare exception. I’ve parsed it down to what I felt were the funniest ones. Coincidently, they were all by Redskins linebacker Robert Henson

 Mr_Henson51 Robert Henson

#tonyromosribs are made from the straw of the first little pig’s house

Mr_Henson51 Robert Henson

I want whatever #tonyromosribs are made out of in a pillow case and sold to millions who seek comfort lol

Alright, enough of that shit, not as funny as I thought they’d be. Honestly, Robert Henson is a borderline douche. This is what he said about another division rival’s quarterback:

Mr_Henson51 Robert Henson

Man is it me or does Eli Manning’s speech sound ….. Uuuuummmm extraterrestrial ?? Lmao

What the hell does that mean? I must be losing my touch. Save me, Carlton Mitchell…

C_Mitch18 Carlton Mitchell

If plan A doesn’t work, don’t worry there is 25 more letters in the Alphabet.. Unless you are German or Irish #JustSayin

Awesome. Just plain awesome.

It’s Fine Time! (With Pictures!)

I honestly thought this would happen after week one, but the commish made all those charities wait awhile before he started taking the big chucks. The players are reacting to it strongly. Well, ok, Raheem Brock is.

RaheemBrock Raheem Brock

Fined by the NFL today for being “TRIPPED” by an o’lineman and fallin into the QB’s legs! Smh if I only had super powers to stop mid air

That would be convenient. Also, why is “TRIPPED” in quotation marks? Not content to merely complain, he found a picture showing said tripping into unsaid rapist.

RaheemBrock Raheem Brock

Here’s a snapshot of me getting tripped into the QB by the oline—-> seattle.sbnation.com/seattle-seahaw… about to send this in to appeal this 15k fine!

Raheembrocktripped_medium_medium

Can I quote Joe Pesci : “Could you get any further away?” That, my friends, is how you use quotation marks. (See what I did there? There’s always a payoff)

Having used a telescope to prove his point, he scoured the internet to figure out how many people agree with him. He dug deep enough to find a nutter writing for the bleacher report (but not nearly deep enough to find this column)

RaheemBrock Raheem Brock

Interesting article….says the commissioner was waiting to get me back for the crank call joke this offseason lol bit.ly/oy6pzN

Right, I accept that Goodell is humorless prig, a crank call from Raheem Brock was probably unwelcome. But c’mon, this is what you’re going with? You should take it like a man. It could be worse, just ask Cullen Jenkins

CullenJenkins Cullen Jenkins

Since I got fined, can I turn around and sue for being touched in a bad way?

a3jp.jpg 

That is graphic. So, he basically paid $15,000 for a reach-around. I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure you can get a better deal downtown.

Oops…

Everyone knows that NFL players love playing Madden. That’s understandable. Less understandable is how many fans send players tweets about the great imaginary performance they just had. Seriously. If you feel the need to tweet Ryan Clark that you got three interceptions with him in one game, I pity you immensely. But I digress. The Madden creators do occasionally make mistakes.

DomCurry_15 Dominique Curry

Dear Madden Creators… I didnt attend Mississippi lol…. Why would u just make that up? Lol

How does that happen? Dominique Curry, in case you didn’t know, is a reserve wideout for the Rams. A practice squad guy. For the record, he went to California University. Which is of course located in Pennsylvania. So, no reason for confusion there.

Awards

Say What Now?

This is full on crazy guy award this week. Take it away, Coy Wire…

CoyWire Coy Wire

Much like the spyware & adware that infect & disable your laptop, the “invaders of your Mind” must be identified & removed.

Mr. Wire, your foil hat is ready. I can’t wait for the day when I can walk into Geek Squad and say “Yeah, I need a McAfee update on an ‘81 brain. Does that come with identity protection?” I’m sure he was trying to be deep. He failed miserably.

Good Guy Award

About time we got a specialist in this thing. Vikings punter Chris Kluwe wins the award for the most creative way to give away free tickets.

ChrisWarcraft Chris Kluwe

I will be giving out Vikings tickets sometime Wednesday at Mall of America. It may or may not involve tackling Spongebob. #detailstocome

Good stuff. Plus, putting ‘warcraft’ in your name means he’s a dork, which endears him to me slightly. Even better was the nerdy way he informed the public of the time of this event.

ChrisWarcraft Chris Kluwe

The time I will be at Mall of America today is the same as if you divide an XBOX 360 by seventy two. #mathemagicsareamazing

Put your calculators away, it’s 5 o’clock. A couple quick tweets from the event before we move along.

ChrisWarcraft Chris Kluwe

I just ticketed a police car at Mall of America. Hope he has a sense of humor

ChrisWarcraft Chris Kluwe

We still have about 60 pairs of tickets to give away on the fourth floor of MOA at the Sky Deck. They’re going fast though!

ChrisWarcraft Chris Kluwe

Also, Donovan needs to step his game up. So far it’s random people with ice cream – 3, McNabb – 0

That’s not mention his whiteboard jokes

.

Professional Douche Award

I considered making it the entire NFL, but it’s wiser to just go with nfl.com. The reason? This advertisment:

Seriously. That happened. Jamaal Charles and Arian Foster were notably quiet on this one while I was monitoring. Nevertheless, this caused an epic shitstorm. Chris Harris sums it up simply:

ChrisHarrisNFL Chris Harris

I just feel it’s very tasteless to use any players season/career ending injury to promote Fantasy Football PERIOD!!!!!!

But, alas, I need good guy Chris Kluwe to bring this one home for me.

ChrisWarcraft Chris Kluwe

Great job NFL.com using a player’s season ending injury to promote fantasy football. Now THAT is a douchebag move. #unfuckingbelievable

Thanks, Chris, here’s your check. That was money well spent.

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